Man Law List

#1 Men will invite other men to Man Law

#2 In the court of Man Law the statement “I was Drunk” will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant’s blood alcohol level exceeds .10.

#3 “No wasting beer in the name of humor.”
—Miller Light

If your team is in position to win a championship it should be voted upon to decide on what beverage will be wasted.

#4 Grilling is the first means of cooking. No matter the weather.

#5 Short shorts have been banned… Isaiah Thomas & Bill Laimbeer Shorts are not and will never again be in style.

#6 Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life.

#7 Never trust a man with no facial hair.

#8 “If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched.”
—Miller Light

If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period.

#9 You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan

#10 No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined.

#11 Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

#12 The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable… exceptions are your teams shirt, collars & leashes.

#13 A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

#14 Fussing about the brand of free beverages in your buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

#15 If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother’s day, Birthday’s, or St. Patrick’s day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.

#16 Learn to tie a tie at least one way

#17 It should be understood that while, yes, cheer-leading is not a sport, it is perfectly accepted to watch.

#18 Do not have a conversation at a urinal.

#19 If a Man is busted by a woman for gawking at her or her “Lovely Lady Lumps”…He shall NOT snitch on ANY other men involved in the gawking, even if they originally diverted his attention her way!!

#20 “No fruit in beer”
—Miller Light

#21 Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman’s ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request.

#22 Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.

#23 Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be killed and placed in a wood chipper on the Belle Isle Bridge and sprayed into the Detroit River.

#24 Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

#25 There is no reason for any man to watch Men’s Gymnastics or Men’s Ice Skating.

#26 “You Poke it you own it.”
—Miller Light
Keep your finger out my beer.

#27 No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

#28 If a woman wants to take advantage of you, you must submit. It is ok to use force to apply a prophylactic.

#29 When watching a “catfight” it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.

#30 Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

#31 Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

#32 It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

#33 Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you don’t agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should show them your support.

#34 On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

#35 Men must have a tool box.

#36 Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. The exception to this law is a custom or classic car.

#37 Women can’t drive. “There are no survivors with women drivers.” —Ca.L

#38 No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.

#39 No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past. “Crushing beer cans on your forehead”
—Miller Light

#40 Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and it is to support his team.

#41 No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a house-cat.

#42 Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female.

#43 A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.

#44 Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler…ever…unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable.

#45 No man shall bring a woman to the guys night out. This is punishable by verbal abuse for life.

#46 “Keeping beer from others by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible. Besides, sharing is caring.”
—Miller Light

#47 The bachelors party is exclusively male. (except for the entertainment) The only exceptions to this rule is if the female has shown acts of being part of the entertainment.

#48 When lifting weights, playing basketball, football, baseball or softball, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.

#49 No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.

#50 No one should ever steal a man’s alcohol from that man’s cooler…this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.

#51 No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race were the winner receives some combination of the following: beer, food, or a woman.

#52 No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man. You just gone have to use a news paper. A little rain won’t hurt.

#53 “Go For the Win” Tying the game doesn’t win it for you.
—Miller Light

#54 When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing. You should know such things.

#55 There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.
a) He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.
b) Your date is using her teeth.
c) The Lions win the Super Bowl

#56 No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet.

#57 When your friend picks up a hot girl…however the hot girl has an ugly friend…it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favor will one day be replayed.

#58 If a man ever does something wrong a simple “OOPS”, “My Bad”, or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say “I’m Sorry”

#59 Leave an open seat between men at functions (movies seminars etc.)

#60 “No baking on game day.”
—Miller Light

#61 “No leaving the game early.”
—Miller Light

#62 Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you cant drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review.

#63 No Man should be caught hip rolling.

#64 Two things a man must do on Thanksgiving a) he must watch football and know who is playing (refer to man law #54) b) he must cut the bird or meat Turkey, Duck, Chicken, Ham, Ribs

#65 If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

#66 A Man Purse is still a Purse and it is called a Murse.

#67 When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

#68 A man should be able to fluidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, Basketball or Ice Hockey.

#69 If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.
—Miller Light

#70 If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other male to find another way home. (The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver stills holds full responsibility of driving his friend home)

#71 Under no circumstance should any man cock-block another man. Please note that cock-blocking will result in a suspension of you Man status and its privileges, & will result in the title Manbitch.

#72 Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals.

#73 A man should never be criticized &/or denied the right to adjust himself under any circumstances.

#74 Toast with the bottom of the bottle.
—Miller Light

#75 Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. And as such said people must consume alcohol on St. Patricks Day. Green and/ or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter.

#76 Never change the channel from a sporting event to differ watching anything that can be DVR’d. No matter what the score is.

#77 A best man’s toast may not include any of the following phrases, “the other night”, “one time when we were all drunk”, “her ass was” or “and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw”.

#78 A man should be able to hold a conversation or debate about current sports topics. Recommended resources are Sportscenter, Social Networks or just call and ask a friend.

#79 Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

#80 “Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only.”
—Miller Light

#81 When questioned by a friend’s girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

#82 No man should take bathroom pictures.

#83 If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of “Manbitch” from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law…or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly…and what is not.

#84 It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.

Miller Lite Man Law Out Takes